When dads experience postpartum
Postpartum is not exclusively reserved for mothers you know; it is also a significant time for fathers and often surrounded by taboos. Fortunately, the conversation is gradually opening up to this crucial topic. Fathers, too, can be subject to stress due to the arrival of a baby and studies even suggest hormonal changes, such as a drop in testosterone aimed at promoting a more empathetic attitude towards the baby's needs.
Having gone through this period myself at the same time as my partner, I became aware of the ease with which we can focus on our own distress without perceiving that of others around us. It's a natural reaction postpartum, but in hindsight, I want to share my experience to open the dialogue and raise awareness of the signals to watch out for.
From day one, my partner was deeply invested and moved by the idea of becoming a father. He was even considering taking time off to stay at home for a few months after the birth. The announcement of twins during the ultrasound was a source of immense joy for us, fortunately, despite the fears, my pregnancy went well, but because of the twins, I had to undergo a cesarean section, which which encouraged my partner to get more involved, given my physical limitations. He was thus able to form strong bonds with our babies from the first days in the hospital.
However, once the initial excitement and logistical challenges of being in the hospital with daily obligations passed, things began to change. The signs of a postpartum daddy have emerged: sleep problems, persistent fatigue, loss of appetite, increased sensitivity to comments about his role as a father, feeling of not being good enough, desire to get away from the daily while remaining present for her babies. These manifestations are reminiscent of those of the maternal postpartum, thus emphasizing our common basic human needs.
Over time, these symptoms intensified until everything seemed to be going wrong. Fortunately, he eventually sought help, a vital step toward recovery.
The gaze of others, and also pride, certainly played a role in this process. But what, I believe, was decisive was the recent death of Karl Tremblay, singer of the Cowboys Fringants whom he greatly appreciated. This loss made him realize how lucky he was to live and enjoy his family and it allowed him to begin real healing. Sometimes you have to take a different perspective to see the sun even in the darkest of times.
Let's be attentive, whether to a new father or a new mother in our entourage. Kindness and understanding are precious assets to support each of our loved ones in this intense period of life.
✍🏻 Text: Alexandra St-Jean
🩷 Mom of Laurie, Charlie, Sydney, Abbygaëlle, Madyson & Mayson
